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I don't know where to start this one.
I've been seeing strangers while looking myself in a mirror.
Yesterday, I was staring at myself in the mirror
And I looked very unfamiliar as if I never met myself.
unacquainted face...strange look...I stared myself as if I completely forgot how I looked.
The concept of 'I' changed a lot past few years. My journey of searching my personal identity was rather dynamic. The environment changed dramatically. The people I interact on daily basis changed dramatically. The books or articles that I read changed dramatically. Songs or media that I consume changed dramatically. Language I use changed dramatically. I've been bombarded and exposed to the things that I didn't even have chance to think about it before.
My ever-changing ideology and philosophy start having a big frame of foundation that I'm willing to build upon...and all these changes are strange. Absolutely strange. Not only the physical boundary of my daily life changed, but the soft side has been changing as well. My relationship with others, the way I handle stresses, my priorities, my concernes and worries, and the perception of myself.
Growing up, I certainly did not picture myself living in Michigan, studying Naval Architecture (I always wanted to study Nuclear fusion or airplanes), having a pimple-covered face with a lanky body, speaking English with a weird accent, showing decent interest in politics, enjoying friendship with people from different parts of the world, singing everywhere I go, and .... living a life as a believer.
This was never part of the equation of my identity. Being painfully reminded as a sinner, yet being inundated by unfailing love of Christ as his child.
Maybe that's what I saw in the mirror. The ugly, selfish, lustful, angry, bitter, caustic, cynical, insecure, fragile, proud, dirty, sordid, nasty, arrogant, boorish, uncouth, rude, weak, disgusting status quo of myself and a lovely child of God.
A mysterious and beautiful parodox that paralyzed my logic and numbed my eyes.
Am I the only one?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
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1 comment:
Imperfection of being human: you're not alone.
You emphasize all the ways you've changed, and how you barely recognize yourself. How do you know you today is the same you from the past? To put it simply: what about you has not changed?
Note: Life is not a statics/dynamics engineering course, though having knowledge of that material may be relevant.
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